Jamie's blog, Episode 25 - A new hope?

As always, apologies to the few fans i once had for the lack of updates.

There have been certain things happening recently, and all in all, it's been one crappy fortnight. But i think i'm over it all now, and i actually have a post to knock out!

Confidence

Held by a few, Faked by many, Needed by all...

In my present state, an 18 year old guy who skates for fun and works nights, i may look confident (and sometimes even cocky), but there aren't many people now that knew me during my... awkward phase.

I'm not too sure when it finished, and i emerged from my awkward cuccoon as a beautiful confident man, but i know it started around puberty. (as i assume most people's does)

I was once a happy, care-free kid who didnt mind wearing speedo's or an actual tea cosy on his head. Put simply, he didn't care what people thought of him. He had a bowl cut, big dorky glasses and was even missing a few teeth (a problem i had fixed with braces and a few fakes ;) )

That kid died sometime around my 13th birthday. Suddenly it was important to look good, and to conform to a certain "cool" standard.

The next three years would have been awful... if it weren't for his friends. We were all outcasts. In our own little group, i was considered cool. I was instantly good at games (to this day i can master a game's controls in 5 min) , we were all learning to skate, and generally having fun. to see what kinda things we did, visit www.dumbass.freewebtools.com.

I'm not sure when i turned from Dorky teenager to slightly less dorky man-boy. I think it was sometime during 6th form. I learned to fake confidence. Talking to girls scared the crap out of me (still does sometimes) but i found a way to make that little voice telling you to make a lame joke and run shut up. I can't explain it, you just have to not care.

Its hard, i know, but it works...

This has all come about thanks to one person. She said to me one day "Y'know, i'd like to find someone who dosen't like you." I asked her what she meant, and she said that everyone seems to like me, and that i'm easy to talk to.

She told me tonight that she had "figured out what it is" (that makes people like me).

She said i was "one of those guys who is attractive and knows it"

I told her what crap i thought that was, and how i may appear confident, but i am actually walking jelly.

We argued this point for a while, her saying that i must be confident in how i look and dress, because well.... i dont care what people say or think about me, and me saying that it's all superficial and i'm scared of talking to girls.

In the end, i think we agreed that, while it may be superficial, i must be confident because it comes naturally now. Where as before i would have to think about it for a while before starting the conversation with a random person, it now comes naturally.

Also, she said, you spent the summer working in America, and you're going to live there for a year and a half. At 19.

I suppose she's right...

Keep it safe kids,

Jamie
Veg
Banana

"Some say that, time changes, best friends can, become strangers, but i don't want that, no not for you. If you just stay with me, we can make it through. "- Good Charlotte, Say anything